Well, let me tell you, this here is about them golfers, the worst ones who still got themselves a big win. They call ’em “majors,” like they’re some kinda big shot generals or somethin’. Ain’t that somethin’? These fellas, they swing them clubs and hit that little white ball, and sometimes, even the worst of ’em can get lucky and win one of these fancy tournaments. It’s like pickin’ the biggest pumpkin at the fair, even if you got a bad back and can’t bend over too good.
They got four of these big deals, these major things. One’s called the Masters Tournament, sounds like a bunch of old school teachers to me. Then there’s the PGA Championship, whatever that means. And the U.S. Open, and the Open Championship. I reckon they just like to open things, them golfers. These are the big ones, the ones everyone’s watchin’.
Now, I heard about this one fella, name of Brett somethin’, Quigley or somethin’ like that. Played in more than 400 of these things, never won a single one, bless his heart. He almost got it a few times, finished second, poor fella, like gettin’ a blue ribbon for your pie but not the grand prize. That must sting. That’s a lot of golf for no big win, let me tell you. But he kept tryin’, and that’s somethin’ in itself.
- Masters Tournament – Fancy name, ain’t it?
- PGA Championship – Don’t know what PGA stands for, probably somethin’ important.
- U.S. Open – They open up the course, I guess?
- Open Championship – More openin’ stuff.
They used to have some other ones, somethin’ about Amateurs, but they don’t count ’em no more. Sounds like a bunch of kids playin’ in the backyard to me. But these four, they’re the real deal. They say 470 of these majors been played. Can you believe that? And 233 different men won ’em. Some of ’em won more than one, greedy fellas. 89 of ’em won at least two. Show offs.
I heard there’s five fellas that done won all four of them things. One of ’em is named Jack, I think. He must be good to get all them wins. Must have one of them strong arms to swing, like choppin’ wood all day. And I heard one is name of Ben Hogan. He must be good too.
It’s a big to-do, winnin’ one of these majors. Everyone gets all excited, like when the cows get loose and run through the garden. They all talkin’ about it, makin’ a fuss. These golfers, they practice and practice, hittin’ that little ball over and over again. It’s like tryin’ to thread a needle with your eyes closed. Takes a lot of patience, I reckon.
Some fellas, they’re real good at it. They can hit that ball a mile, straight as an arrow. Others, well, they try their best, but sometimes they just ain’t got the knack for it. But every now and then, one of them not-so-good ones, they get lucky. They hit that ball just right, and it goes in the hole, and they win the whole darn thing. It’s like winnin’ the lottery, I suppose. You don’t expect it, but it happens.
I heard about this other fella, name starts with an M, somethin’ somethin’ Pereira. He had one of these big ones all lined up, ready to win, and then he messed it up on the last hole. Must’ve been nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockin’ chairs. Cost him the whole thing, they say. Poor fella, that’s like trippin’ right before the finish line.
They say this one tournament, the Open Championship, that’s where the worst golfers win the most, more than in the others. Must be somethin’ in the air over there. Then there’s the Masters, that’s where the best ones usually win. They got all these numbers and such, talkin’ about who’s the best and who’s the worst. It’s all a bit much for me, I just like watchin’ ’em hit the ball. There is a guy named Justin Thomas, I heard he is good, rank first or something.
One thing I know, when a golfer wins one of these majors, he sure is happy, no matter how good or bad he usually plays. I guess it is like findin’ a twenty-dollar bill in your old coat pocket. It just makes your day. And, let me tell you, everyone likes to win. Even them worst golfers get a big grin when they take home that trophy.
They are all just tryin’ to do their best, these golfers. Some days they’re good, some days they ain’t. But they all keep tryin’, and that’s what matters. It’s like plantin’ a garden. Sometimes you get a good crop, sometimes you don’t. But you keep plantin’, hopin’ for the best. That’s what these worst golfers do, they keep playin’, hopin’ to win one of them majors. And sometimes, they do. Ain’t life somethin’?
